Hello all,
So I have been absent and fallen into something I have done in the past whenever I try and write a blog about me. I forget about the blog. Then again, I mean, I had a lot happen since I last wrote. I got into a car accident in the beginning of February and just so you know I am fine, I was hit all because the roads were slick from frozen rain the night before. My car was fixed, but I was in a state of shock for some time that I just didn't feel anything. Right before my car got fixed at the end of the month, I was able to snap back. I also started to wean off my depression medicine with the help of my doctor at the very end of that month as well. My first week of being completely off my medication was last Wednesday.
I am still going through the side effects too and I have been on it for...oh...I think it has been 7 or 8 years, and finding out that being on it as long as I have I will be feeling pretty sick for a few weeks after. Somewhere in March, I believe the 12th, I joined Planet Fitness. I actually like to go to this gym and like that I don't feel judgement when I go. I mean, you've seen how I big I am from my other two posts. I haven't been going though for the last 3 weeks or so to exercise (still going with my mom, but to use the massage chairs with my back acting up). It is hard to want to exercise or be able to when you are constantly floating in your head, the world is moving, your head hurts, and you are nauseated. On top of the side effects of weaning, my Hayfever has kicked in with Spring trying to come through and now here.
My work at home jobs have also been at a stand still. I can't seem to focus and don't even get me started on trying to paint with the fumes with all the symptoms I told you about. I'm near the end, but my anxiety is killing me with bills coming up. While I have been weaning off my depression medicine, I have been basically living off of my tax return since the end of February. That money has run out and I'm stressing having my mom help me with some of the big ones again. As someone who has never been able to hold down a normal 40 hour, outside world, conventional job because of always getting sick since I was a toddler--also as someone who doesn't like to ask for help from people--it hurts me to have my mom help when we are struggling each month.
I am a 26 year old woman who still lives with her mom, hasn't been able to move out on her own, finally finds that I can work out from home and make a living--still in the early stages and watching it grow--not to mention now that I have 'feelings' coming back from being off my medication, I want to break down and cry at every little thing. Happy, sad, stressful...I know things will work out. They always seem to, but it is so frustrating to be unable to provide for myself and be a normal child/teenager/adult in all the stages when my body fails me. I wasn't always big and overweight, I used to be skinny and very active. I blew my left knee out in 2014 and gained 40 lbs. I used to dance, play sports, be able to ride a bike without worrying about my knee.
Working out at Planet Fitness after not finding the right gym for me, has been great. I can't wait to get back there and do the work out plan that I have mapped for me, I'm just frustrated that I have to wait until I can drive myself somewhere without having a wave of vertigo or standing and almost falling over because of said wave. I could keep complaining, feeling bad for myself and I'm sure a lot of you are thinking that I need to grow up and move on. When you have depression, anxiety, or health problems since birth you can't just stick a band-aid on it and call it good. Writing it all down and out has in some way helped me tonight and if you are going through this or something similar, I hope you know you are not alone. It is easy to feel alone, that you are a burden on your loved ones, not fulfilling society's expectations of what a person should be or do, or even loved ones expectations. It's hard to get through that little voice and the feelings inside, all I can say is that it does help to have someone in your corner. My mom is that person for me as well as my best friend. She even tells me to stop worrying about how she is feeling about my situation or she will get mad because I am being hard on myself.
Each day I feel a little better, so I do something in that moment that I couldn't do before, like going for a drive or walk, until that moment leaves and I am back to the mercy of the side effects of weaning. I'm hoping to get back to the gym this weekend or even just to do yoga at home, something to get back into the routine I had. I keep moving my post-its to "paint!", "Meet Q Goal End of Month", "Edit Youtube videos and post" from week to week as well and now I need to add remember to blog. I think I'll try and write again on the 1st, see where I am mentally, physically, emotionally...just all around I think, to give an update and release my inner knots and hopefully be one step closer to being back to the Tori that I know.
Tori M.
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Saturday, November 24, 2018
Left You Hanging
Hey everyone,
Sorry I haven't done anything since my first post. I have been busy with life. Let's see, I started doing DDP Yoga again and yesterday was the first day that I was able to do it all without any problems. Mind you, this was the third day of doing it. Baby steps. Also I have been laughing again and have been somewhat pain free with my head since I started taking Q Fuse Hemp Oil. This coming week will be my second week on it. Let me tell you that it has helped my depression and my pain so much, I can actually start to be active again. Function more. Yesterday I went on a mini road trip with my mom. Can I say how much I really needed that getaway?????
In my first post I had mentioned and shown the Metabolic boost that I have been taking for a month for weight loss. This is also from that same company, Q Sciences. I signed up officially to be an Ambassador on Wednesday and then bought some goodies from the Black Friday sales. Before I get into all that, let me tell you how I came upon this company, why I chose to buy from them and not start to work for them from home. My health plays a big role into it. Remember how I said I was sick? Well this is still going, week 8. So in the second week of being sick, thinking it was just a bad sinus infection and that I would be better. My friend from High School--though we didn't know each other well back then--posted on Facebook about how she was eager for her baby to be born, so then she could start using this weight loss product to see how it helps after birth.
At first I was like, "Oh, well that sounds interesting." There wasn't much information and so I messaged her and asked about what she was doing. She told me about the product, how it helps with kick starting your metabolism--which mine was completely messed up and not working, I mean I was only eating 2 meals a day and wasn't hungry or when I did eat I would over eat. It also helped with cravings. I have a HUGE problem with controlling my cravings. My fellow women, when that monthly time comes around you just have to have what you are craving. No ignoring it. But this, helped where you would have the thought and just be okay with not having it. What??? The other kicker was that it burned stored body fat, moving nutrients into your muscles to be utilized properly and gain muscle and tone.
Well, I couldn't say no to that. I had tried everything almost, or it felt like it. I had tried all those diets that came up. Hot new. Articles claiming such and such. Those infomercial exercises, a nutrition coach, gyms...I am sure I am repeating myself from my first post, but I'm telling a story here. She sent me her website link where she sells from Q Sciences, I followed her instructions and waited. Once I got my package in the mail, I was excited, but I was going to wait to do it the next day. For the first few days I just took the one package that had three vitamin supplements inside. Easy-peasy. I was already feeling a difference in that first day! Then I realized I needed to be taking two packets every day before 3 pm. So I did that. Guess what? Even better. I weighed and measured myself every week. Sometimes I forgot, like week number 4 and 5 or I missed two weeks because it was that time of the month. All women know we bloat and that adds to it, no way am I going to do that to my self-esteem.
Another thing, my friend who I was talking to practically every day now, realizing that we have so much in common, is asking me how I am doing. Inviting me to learn more about the product I was using by watching online invitation only events. Learning about the company and what she was doing as a stay at home mom with a newborn, not only to earn money, but to better herself with the products scientifically backed to help anxiety, depression, pain relief, weight loss, over all wellness. She even sent me samples of their Rev Sport for energy and Chocolate Shake Meal Replacements that go in tandem with the Metabolic Boost.
My autoship was of the Qsleep spray, thinking my mom and I could try it. We were currently taking a combo of Melatonin and Zquil and hating how we didn't feel rested when we woke up and didn't sleep great. When we got that and tried it, we have been loving it ever since. No more waking up feeling super exhausted, tired, not restful in any way, shape or form. No sleep hangover when you take stuff to sleep. Now I have trouble sleeping, so this was a great thing for me. I have to take something to fall asleep. If I fall asleep on my own, well...let's just say that I don't if I don't take anything. When I nap, which is rare, I only sleep for a few hours and then cannot go to bed when that time comes. Just 8 sprays in my mouth and within a few minutes I am ready to go to bed. It had all the fun of those sour candy sprays they used to make, but practical!
Then two weeks ago I got a free 15 day sample from that first online event I watched, it was the Hemp Oil. I was sold. It was helping my life, it was helping my health and mental well being. I normally don't talk about something unless it has wowed me, it has proven itself to me that it can work. Even though I just signed up officially on Wednesday, I have been more positive and driven, it has gotten me out of my Introvert box. In a span of weeks I have gained a friend, met more amazing women who are going through the same struggles, wanting to help others, just being all around supportive and spirit raising. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't asked that simple question, "What are you taking?" and saying that I was interested. Taking a leap of faith.
I had a huge down moment right before I got my Hemp Oil guys. I mean a big one. I had a break down because I had to quit my job with me not getting better. I couldn't afford to pay my bills coming up at the end of this month, and I had to resort to asking family for help in order to pay those bills. I was already surviving on sandwiches, cereal, eggs, and noodles being sick. I couldn't afford going to the doctor to find out what was truly wrong with my head when they continued beyond the viral infection. If I hadn't been introduced to all of this, I think I would be in that same place. Un-moving and drowning in helplessness.
Yeah, 8 weeks later I have done physical activity. Yoga. I went on a small one hour road trip and it was to learn more about Q Sciences and meet another amazing woman in my team. I even watched a video on the person who created one of the major products of Q Sciences, Tom Stephan who lost his wife to suicide and had his children suffer from Bipolar, creating what is called Q Max to help battle mental imbalance. Hearing what it has done to help his son, who was violent and always angry and go from that to being aware and asking his dad, "Where have I been?" I would love to be on this some day, hopefully get off of my depression medications because if I miss a dose of those...I wind up in the ER from the withdrawal. My body has always responded better to natural methods and each time I found myself not knowing what else to do, someone would say to try essential oils or herbal methods and it would work. Of course we know it works for me, but we always think of it as a last resort because the doctor and medications are pushed and made to think the only resort.
I can't wait to start this new chapter, getting out of my bubble to talk with others. Get to know people, start conversations and talk about what I am passionate about, what helps me to help others. When I get my kit I will be sure to share it with you, for those who have questions and are interested. See what it has to offer. I am also excited for the items my mom got me from the Black Friday sale. Well, one item. A month of the shakes was on sale. The other item was full price and that was the QBoost spray that is above, but I mean only $15 for a month of that? Not bad and well worth it.
Now that I have worn out all my thoughts that have been bubbling, and my other friend online is busy homework for her college course, I am going to go to bed. So if you have any questions, I would be happy to answer. If you have any comments, please keep them clean and respectful. If you like what you have read and wish to be kept in the loop on more, subscribe with your email. I may not know all of you out there, but just know that if you are going through hard times right now...I am here for you. Someone is always here for you and loves you.
Goodnight world,
Tori M.
Sorry I haven't done anything since my first post. I have been busy with life. Let's see, I started doing DDP Yoga again and yesterday was the first day that I was able to do it all without any problems. Mind you, this was the third day of doing it. Baby steps. Also I have been laughing again and have been somewhat pain free with my head since I started taking Q Fuse Hemp Oil. This coming week will be my second week on it. Let me tell you that it has helped my depression and my pain so much, I can actually start to be active again. Function more. Yesterday I went on a mini road trip with my mom. Can I say how much I really needed that getaway?????
In my first post I had mentioned and shown the Metabolic boost that I have been taking for a month for weight loss. This is also from that same company, Q Sciences. I signed up officially to be an Ambassador on Wednesday and then bought some goodies from the Black Friday sales. Before I get into all that, let me tell you how I came upon this company, why I chose to buy from them and not start to work for them from home. My health plays a big role into it. Remember how I said I was sick? Well this is still going, week 8. So in the second week of being sick, thinking it was just a bad sinus infection and that I would be better. My friend from High School--though we didn't know each other well back then--posted on Facebook about how she was eager for her baby to be born, so then she could start using this weight loss product to see how it helps after birth.
At first I was like, "Oh, well that sounds interesting." There wasn't much information and so I messaged her and asked about what she was doing. She told me about the product, how it helps with kick starting your metabolism--which mine was completely messed up and not working, I mean I was only eating 2 meals a day and wasn't hungry or when I did eat I would over eat. It also helped with cravings. I have a HUGE problem with controlling my cravings. My fellow women, when that monthly time comes around you just have to have what you are craving. No ignoring it. But this, helped where you would have the thought and just be okay with not having it. What??? The other kicker was that it burned stored body fat, moving nutrients into your muscles to be utilized properly and gain muscle and tone.
Well, I couldn't say no to that. I had tried everything almost, or it felt like it. I had tried all those diets that came up. Hot new. Articles claiming such and such. Those infomercial exercises, a nutrition coach, gyms...I am sure I am repeating myself from my first post, but I'm telling a story here. She sent me her website link where she sells from Q Sciences, I followed her instructions and waited. Once I got my package in the mail, I was excited, but I was going to wait to do it the next day. For the first few days I just took the one package that had three vitamin supplements inside. Easy-peasy. I was already feeling a difference in that first day! Then I realized I needed to be taking two packets every day before 3 pm. So I did that. Guess what? Even better. I weighed and measured myself every week. Sometimes I forgot, like week number 4 and 5 or I missed two weeks because it was that time of the month. All women know we bloat and that adds to it, no way am I going to do that to my self-esteem.
Another thing, my friend who I was talking to practically every day now, realizing that we have so much in common, is asking me how I am doing. Inviting me to learn more about the product I was using by watching online invitation only events. Learning about the company and what she was doing as a stay at home mom with a newborn, not only to earn money, but to better herself with the products scientifically backed to help anxiety, depression, pain relief, weight loss, over all wellness. She even sent me samples of their Rev Sport for energy and Chocolate Shake Meal Replacements that go in tandem with the Metabolic Boost.
My autoship was of the Qsleep spray, thinking my mom and I could try it. We were currently taking a combo of Melatonin and Zquil and hating how we didn't feel rested when we woke up and didn't sleep great. When we got that and tried it, we have been loving it ever since. No more waking up feeling super exhausted, tired, not restful in any way, shape or form. No sleep hangover when you take stuff to sleep. Now I have trouble sleeping, so this was a great thing for me. I have to take something to fall asleep. If I fall asleep on my own, well...let's just say that I don't if I don't take anything. When I nap, which is rare, I only sleep for a few hours and then cannot go to bed when that time comes. Just 8 sprays in my mouth and within a few minutes I am ready to go to bed. It had all the fun of those sour candy sprays they used to make, but practical!
Then two weeks ago I got a free 15 day sample from that first online event I watched, it was the Hemp Oil. I was sold. It was helping my life, it was helping my health and mental well being. I normally don't talk about something unless it has wowed me, it has proven itself to me that it can work. Even though I just signed up officially on Wednesday, I have been more positive and driven, it has gotten me out of my Introvert box. In a span of weeks I have gained a friend, met more amazing women who are going through the same struggles, wanting to help others, just being all around supportive and spirit raising. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't asked that simple question, "What are you taking?" and saying that I was interested. Taking a leap of faith.
I had a huge down moment right before I got my Hemp Oil guys. I mean a big one. I had a break down because I had to quit my job with me not getting better. I couldn't afford to pay my bills coming up at the end of this month, and I had to resort to asking family for help in order to pay those bills. I was already surviving on sandwiches, cereal, eggs, and noodles being sick. I couldn't afford going to the doctor to find out what was truly wrong with my head when they continued beyond the viral infection. If I hadn't been introduced to all of this, I think I would be in that same place. Un-moving and drowning in helplessness.
Yeah, 8 weeks later I have done physical activity. Yoga. I went on a small one hour road trip and it was to learn more about Q Sciences and meet another amazing woman in my team. I even watched a video on the person who created one of the major products of Q Sciences, Tom Stephan who lost his wife to suicide and had his children suffer from Bipolar, creating what is called Q Max to help battle mental imbalance. Hearing what it has done to help his son, who was violent and always angry and go from that to being aware and asking his dad, "Where have I been?" I would love to be on this some day, hopefully get off of my depression medications because if I miss a dose of those...I wind up in the ER from the withdrawal. My body has always responded better to natural methods and each time I found myself not knowing what else to do, someone would say to try essential oils or herbal methods and it would work. Of course we know it works for me, but we always think of it as a last resort because the doctor and medications are pushed and made to think the only resort.
I can't wait to start this new chapter, getting out of my bubble to talk with others. Get to know people, start conversations and talk about what I am passionate about, what helps me to help others. When I get my kit I will be sure to share it with you, for those who have questions and are interested. See what it has to offer. I am also excited for the items my mom got me from the Black Friday sale. Well, one item. A month of the shakes was on sale. The other item was full price and that was the QBoost spray that is above, but I mean only $15 for a month of that? Not bad and well worth it.
Now that I have worn out all my thoughts that have been bubbling, and my other friend online is busy homework for her college course, I am going to go to bed. So if you have any questions, I would be happy to answer. If you have any comments, please keep them clean and respectful. If you like what you have read and wish to be kept in the loop on more, subscribe with your email. I may not know all of you out there, but just know that if you are going through hard times right now...I am here for you. Someone is always here for you and loves you.
Goodnight world,
Tori M.
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
My Story, 25 Years In The Making
Hi everyone,
After years of wanting to write something meaningful, to share and help others, I have come to this point in my life. Blog about it. Now a little bit about what this will be about, it's about me and my life with health problems. Mental, physical and emotional. Recently I had to leave my daytime job because I was sick for 5 weeks with a virus and with that gone, there is still the problem of my head pain. I am having to change my health insurance, just so then I can figure out what is exactly wrong and be able to afford more testing. What I hope to be tested along with my head, is my immune system. Since I was very young, I have been sick. Every time someone was sick around me, I would get it for longer and way worse.
Now I know what you are thinking...there are ways to improve immune systems with vitamins and such. I can tell you that I have tried everything there is to try growing up. Yes, I am also overweight, but I haven't always been this way. I gained a lot of weight when I tore my tendon in my knee and had MPFL surgery back in 2013. I love to dance and have been getting back into that. I have tried every diet/exercise program you can think of and nothing seemed to work. Why? I would get sick after one week of being on it. It wasn't until I moved to Minnesota, that I found out part of my being sick in the form of always vomiting. I have what is called Gastroparesis.
Gastroparesis is where my stomach cannot digest food like normal. It takes longer than the 2-4 hours a normal person does and I can't digest a lot of food types. Anything with a skin, seeds, fat, etc. I also am Lactosintolerant and allergic to all nuts, with Peanut being the one that will kill me. When I found this out, I was getting sick less and less. At least with the way vomiting was concerned. This time around being sick, my mom has also been sick with me. She has pneumonia. While I was sick, my friend mentioned a weight loss vitamin supplement. I was curious, I mean...I hadn't tried it before and I could see that it was working. Now I might not have had an AMAZING reveal a week ago with how much I lost. I lost 5lbs in one month on the supplement and being sick. You know what though? I was noticing a difference.
My cravings were non-existent and when I do have cravings now, I don't have to have it. It isn't such a huge craving that you have to fight. I could easily say, "You know, I want it, but I don't need it. I can go without. No big deal." Move on. I also noticed that I was hungry in the morning. I normally would eat 1-2 meals a day, because I was never hungry. Weird for someone who is overweight right? But once my Gastroparesis was figured out, I was plateaued at the same weight for two years. 243. I also noticed with eating 3 meals now, that when I am hungry I don't over eat in my meals. I eat less and get full faster.
Of course with being out of work for 5 weeks, I have been living off of eggs, cereal, noodles with some sauce, and sandwiches. I was noticing my arms were smaller and the skin was looking like extra, rather than fat flab. My stomach was going in and my measurements were going down. I have a scale that tells me my fat percentage, how much is water, my muscle and bone information as well as my weight. It watched that fat percentage go from 50 to 40. Here is my first month:
My Measurements:
(Which I screwed up the very first day. Sick brain is real and doing it by myself while trying to not fall over and with sinusitis...not going to be accurate.)
While I was down, I started to paint again. Not kidding, all of my paint supplies and my table easel are in a laundry basket by the couch so then I can be upright for an hour and then die again. I am currently painting a commission for my friend that introduced me to the vitamin supplement. She even sent me samples of another product from the same company, that helped me with my physical energy and my mental energy to get through the sick fog. She even introduced me to the company itself, learning how it helps with mental illness, physical health and wellness, and such an amazing support group of people there to help you that know what I am going through. Yesterday I attended my first ever meeting online.
Now, I have never been able to hold a normal daytime job with being constantly sick and a bad immune system. The longest I have worked somewhere was 3-4 years and that was at a racetrack as an Oval Scorekeeper. It isn't that I am lazy and not a hard worker, I am. Everywhere I work, people love me and how hard I work. I put in 110%. My parents and my grandparents instilled that into my brother and myself. I have always wanted to find a work from home job, that was fun, not stressful, utilized my many interests and organizational skills, and painting came as that way for me. My painting business is starting slow, but then my friend with the company came up and I was interested. A way to help my health with natural holistic products, a support group and maybe help others as well with the same problems.
I am in the beginning stages of it all. I just got into this last week and had my first meeting yesterday. I intend on telling my story and journey to get better, lose weight, get out of my shell and get out into the world with who I am. We are all here on this planet for a reason and helping raise each other up, help give a helping hand to each other when struggling, and I want to do that. This is my platform to help others, share my journey, promote something I believe in as I go and maybe make new friends who might be interested in joining me on my journey. I have said a lot in my first post, but if you want to follow me from here on out, subscribe with your email. Also follow me:
Tori Meadows Youtube
My Painting Page
2018 Movie Goal Blog
Any questions you have for me--please nothing rude or gross--feel free to do so. Curious about the vitamin supplements I am taking or the energy boost? You know what to do. :)
Tori M.
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